John Green, author of The Fault in Our Stars, once said, “We write to find the fire in the darkness.” I love that image. There are lots of reasons why I write. First and foremost, I write because I enjoy making stuff up. I love the escapism of it. I love using my imagination to create new things. One day I hope my writing will inspire someone else, even if that someone is just me.
At the same time, I don’t write for nothing. Writing takes time. It takes energy. It takes effort. Sitting down for an hour to write means I’m giving something else up. It’s a sacrifice. When I look back on the things I’ve written, I want all that time and energy and work and sacrifice to have meant something. I’m doing it because I love it, yes, but I’m also doing it because I hope to get something out of it. Sales? Contracts? Money? Fans? Yes, of course, sure, all of that. But as I’ve thought over the years about why I really, honestly, truly write, the real reason is hope. I haven’t sold a single story, but I’m still writing anyway. I haven’t landed a contract yet with Tor or Macmillan or Baen or Bantam or Harper-Collins, but I’m still writing anyway. I haven’t made a single dime off any of my writing so far, but I’m still writing. Why? Because one day I hope to. I also hope that, one day, someone will read one of my stories and feel inspired by that, the same way I’ve been inspired by so many great stories. Hope.
Uncertainty is the umbra of hope. If hope is the sun, uncertainty is the dark shadow stretching out on the ground. And it’s hard to write about hope when you’re filled with so much dark uncertainty. And there’s been a lot of uncertainty in my life lately. I think that’s why I’ve struggled with my writing so much this year. People want to read about hope, and I just haven’t been feeling it myself. I let politics and the state of this country and its people get to me too much. Could I block myself off completely from the world and stick my head in the sand and ignore everything? Sure. That’s certainly one viable strategy. But as much as I don’t want to know what’s going on, as much as I want to protect myself from all that, I also don’t want to be ignorant. Unlike many in the country, I want to be informed. If something big does go down, I want to see it coming so I can be ready to deal with it. It’s hard though because I don’t often see much hope ahead for the good ‘ole US of A. Or at least I didn’t.
For anyone who’s followed Trump’s Manhattan election interference trial last month, it was easy to see just how off the rails things have become. And not just that trial, but any of his other trials. The Georgia election interference trial is supposed to start in August, but that could change. Judge Aileen Cannon has put Trump’s theft of classified documents case on indefinite hold. And we’re still waiting on the Supreme Court to decide if Trump gets immunity from prosecution in his January 6 insurrection trial. How much hope can there be when we can’t even count on the courts to hold people accountable for their actions? And how much hope could there be when a third of the people in this country aren’t even interested in accountability?
Jury deliberations in the Manhattan trial were mind-numbing. Why were they taking so long? Was there a MAGA ringer on the jury who would hang things up and cause a mistrial? Was the evidence presented by the DA’s office enough to sway the jury beyond a reasonable doubt? If they found him ‘not guilty’, how much would that embolden Trump’s zombie horde of followers?
After two days of sequestered discussions, the jury finally returned their verdict: guilty on all 34 felony counts. The crimes were committed back in 2016. After eight long years, Trump was finally held accountable. Kind of. Who knows if he’ll actually serve any jail time. Even if he does, he’s still the Republican nominee for President of the United States. Imagine that. A convicted felon is running for president of our country, and not without a significant amount of support. A felony conviction is enough to keep you from being hired for many jobs in the private sector, but apparently you can still be President of the United States. Weird.
“We write to find the fire in the darkness.”
— John Green
There’s still a lot of doubt in the air. We have to wait until July for the judge to pronounce a sentence. That could be anything from jail time to probation. And will any of the three other trials take place before the November elections? Who knows. In the meantime, I have to content myself with the fact that justice has prevailed. That gives me hope — hope in the jury and everyday citizens who take their civic duties seriously, hope in the court system and at least some judges who aren’t afraid of Trump and his terrorist tactics and threats of violence, hope that justice can be served in all those other trials yet to come.
So with hope once again restored (for the time being, anyway) I feel like I’m ready to take up the pen and ink (or screen glare and keyboard) once again and get some serious writing done. There are deadlines coming up (4th quarter Writers of the Future ends June 30), and these stories ain’t gonna write themselves.
Why do you write? What shadowy thoughts or moods keep you from writing? What strategies help you push through so you can get the work done? Leave me some thoughts in the comments.
