I’m Still Reeling…

And probably will be for a while.

I grew up believing there was decency in America. There was civility. There was friendliness and respect and honor. It doesn’t feel like any of that exists anymore. When faced with the choice between the first woman in the White House or a convicted felon and rapist, Americans decided on the felon.

I’ve been gut-punched and groin-kicked. The ideal that I thought was “America” is dead now, and I’m grieving for that loss.

Donald Trump brings out the worst in human beings: racism, fear, violence, hate, sexism, misogyny, fascism, ethnocentrism, division, lies, disrespect, greed, lawlessness. And 51% of the voting population in this country rose up, locked arms together and said, “Yep. We love that. Give us more please.”

Trump now controls the White House, the Senate, the Supreme Court, the Department of Justice, and will likely take control of the House of Representatives. Earlier this year the Supreme Court ruled that, as President, he has carte blanche to do whatever he likes with the presidency and cannot be held legally liable for any official acts. He has already promised to do away with future elections. He has already said that parts, if not all, of the Constitution should be suspended. He has already promised retribution and punishment on his political enemies and any journalists or media heads who have dared to fact-check him. He has already threatened to shut down the broadcast licenses of any station that has spoken ill of him.

Last time around, there were at least a few people in place who acted as guardrails to check his illegal and unconstitutional behavior. Trump has learned his lesson from last time. He is already surrounding himself with family, friends, and loyalists who have pledged their fealty to do whatever he asks. He is gathering his cadre of obedient Hitler generals around him.

The pundits on television are all saying not to give up hope. Biden and Harris both told us in their recent addresses to keep fighting for the ideals of democracy, to keep the light of America burning brightly for the rest of the world. But after reading some of the headlines in newspapers and journals from around the world, the message from other countries is obvious and clear. They are all asking the same question: “What the f%&*! is wrong with America?” I’m asking myself the same question.

I don’t know where to go from here. I imagine I have to work through the stages of loss and grief. I passed through Denial pretty quickly, because there’s no denying this is real, it’s happening. I imagine I’ll be stuck in Anger for quite a long time. I don’t think I’ll ever get through Acceptance, because this is just 100% unacceptable.

Many of you feel the same way. I hope you know that you are not alone. Sixty-five million people voted for team Harris/Walz. We’re all in this together. The sad thing is that’s thirteen million fewer people than voted for Biden in 2020. Trump only lost two million votes from last time. I don’t know where those thirteen million people went. Maybe they already gave up. Maybe they saw the inevitable and figured it just wasn’t worth it anymore. Imagine though if those thirteen million had shown up at the polls and voted. Likely, we wouldn’t be in this mess. But we are, and we have to figure it out.

But not today. Probably not this week. Probably not this month. It’s going to take me a while to work through this. It’s going to take you a while too, I imagine, and that’s okay. I don’t know what this new America will look like. I know it’s not going to be fun.

Trump and his MAGA minions are mean, angry, hateful people, even though they might smile and shake your hand. Deep down inside, how could they be anything but rotten to the core? They voted knowingly for a felon, a rapist, a fraudster, a compulsive liar, an adulterer, a guy who calls immigrants “animals” and insists that Haitiens are eating their neighbors’ pets even though that little nugget of Russian rumor was debunked many times over. A guy who thinks windmills are killing whales, that batteries won’t work underwater, and who has some strange, weird obsession with toilets flushing. A guy who hawks Bibles made in China and Photoshops his own face onto superhero trading cards.

These people aren’t interested in truth, civility, rule of law, or maintaining any of the ideals that used to be respected in America. True, some of them might be just plain ignorant — the poorly educated, the elderly, those who have just been living under a rock their whole lives. But in this age where news and information is so readily available, where it’s easy to get online and see if something is actually true or not, there really is no excuse. The majority of the voting public in this country has taken a great big gulp from the Kool-Aid hose. They just want to watch the country burn, and they aren’t going away any time soon.

But honestly, neither are we.

We have a fight ahead of us. As Gandalf tells Pippen behind the gates of Gondor, just before the hordes of Mordor break through, we’re in the “deep breath before the plunge.” There is time to sit a spell and rest and gather ourselves before all hell breaks loose. The hordes are at the door, ready to break through. And they will break through, there is no doubt of that. All anyone has to do is look back at Trump’s first term in office to know what kind of chaos we’re in for. Funny how his faithful flock conveniently forgets about him wanting to shoot protestors in the legs, gassing people in the street so he could walk over and get a photo-op in front of a church with a Bible, using sharpies to change the paths of hurricanes, denying the dangers of a global pandemic, insisting that the numbers of dead Americans wouldn’t be so bad if people stopped reporting them, suggesting we should all swallow bleach to kill Covid, empty grocery store shelves, wiping our butts with newspaper because people were hording toilet paper, four years of late night rage-tweeting, rampant unemployment, lying to the media and refusing to answer any questions at the podium. Yep, good times indeed. Only this time it’ll be so much worse because his powers and support will be unchecked and unhindered.

But not quite yet. We have time still to recover a bit and gather our strength. Can’t we just sit here for a while together and rest? And keep breathing. That’s hard, but it’s still important.