Those Wheels Turn Slowly

Something’s going on with my brain. Maybe old age has set in faster than I expected. I turned fifty-three back on Halloween. When I say that out loud, it doesn’t sound very old. But as I sit here inside my own head, listening to things echo off the walls around my skull, I certainly feel old. Like all those noises bouncing off the walls are passing through layers of tangled cobwebs.

I thought long and hard about posting some sort of recap at the beginning of the year. Another one of those “Let’s look back at 2023 and summarize the highlights.” I also thought about posting some goals for the coming year. “Here’s what I’m itching to accomplish in 2024.” But I didn’t want to do either of those. One, everyone reading this already knows what happened in 2023. Two, I’m not much for setting resolutions and goals for the new year, mostly because it ends up being the exact same two or three things every single year. And at the end of the year, those same two or three things are STILL not done.

I’m also trying really hard to stay out of politics lately. Yes, 2024 is another big presidential election year. Yes, this year seems to be a battle between keeping our constitutional republic or moving closer towards dictatorship. Yes, a not-so-insignificant percent of US citizens seem to actually want dictatorship. I’m aware of all of this. I’m aware that we’re still waiting for justice to be served on a certain former president who has an uncanny knack for delaying the inevitable. But I just can’t deal with any of that anymore. It affects me too much. There are times when I feel paralyzed by it all. It depresses me to think that so many people in this country — a country that I truly love — no longer care about things like facts and truth and science and integrity and honesty.

I think we’re still okay, at least for the time being. True, there is a large percentage, perhaps as much as one-third, who have abandoned all reason and only seem to thrive on chaos and conspiracy. But that still leaves the other two thirds strongly within the majority. And as long as we have a majority on Team Normal, and as long as those in the majority continue to actively participate in saving our country, I think we’ll be fine.

It gets to me though. There are times when I sit back and think about everything going on, and it just sucks all the energy and creativity right out of me. I mean, how can I possibly be optimistic and look for the silver lining and stay cheery when so many people are so determined to destroy the country? How can I stay optimistic knowing there is no justice (yet) for the people who have wreaked all this havoc on us the last several years?

The wheels of justice are still grinding on though, slowly but surely. Just not quickly enough for my liking. Eventually the appeals will run out, and the trials will begin, and we’ll get to watch a certain former president (I’m not even writing his name down) dance his little YMCA happy dance to the tune of a jury trial. I mean, what kind of a country do we live in when we can’t even be sure if Supreme Court justices will do the right thing? Why does there have to be so much doubt and uncertainty about something that should be so easy and obvious?

I keep reminding myself I have zero control over any of that. I keep telling myself there’s nothing at all I can do to determine the outcome of what happens in other people’s lives. All I really have any control over is what I choose to do. That works most of the time. But there’s still so much doubt and uncertainty.

• Will Team Normal prevail at the ballot boxes in November? I dunno.
• Will Supreme Court Justices side with the law and the Constitution, and determine that even former presidents are not immune from the law? I dunno.
• Will Team Crazy decide to launch another civil war when they don’t like the outcome of the presidential election this year? I dunno.

But whether any of that happens or not, I’ll still be sitting here trying to make the best of what I’ve got. I’ll still be working on myself because that’s really all I can control. I’ll still be chasing the dragon of my dreams trying to make things happen to secure my own happiness and future. 2023 felt like hearing the wheels on the Cart O’Justice creaking steadily up the hill. 2024 feels like the cart has finally reached the top and is now poised over the summit like a roller coaster, ready to speed down the slope. I hope it picks up speed. Mostly I hope it doesn’t crash at the bottom.