I was ten years old when Raiders of the Lost Ark came out. Wow that was a long time ago. But I never forgot that opening sequence of Indie and his guides stalking through the jungle. I’ll argue with anyone who doesn’t think that was the best opening to any movie ever. I’ll Thunderdome fight you over that one.
Three years later, Spielberg released Temple of Doom. I was thirteen. A title with the word doom in it, and I was lucky number thirteen years old — that movie had no chance. It was so bad. I’ve done all I can to purge that one from my memory. I saw it once and had no desire to see it again.
When I was eighteen, Harrison Ford and Sean Connery teamed up in The Last Crusade. I mean, c’mon, it’s Indiana Jones and James Bond. How could it not be amazing? Even today, it’s still probably my favorite. Or maybe second favorite. A close second for sure. It answers all the questions we always wanted to know about Indiana Jones: How did he get started in archeology? Why is he afraid of snakes? What’s with that whip? Why is he named Indiana? And, most importantly, where did he get that cool hat?
The Last Crusade was the sorbet I needed to finally get the bad taste out of my mouth left over from Temple of Doom. So when Spielberg announced production on Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, I was excited. That one came out when I was thirty-seven years old, just shy of three decades after I saw Raiders. Yes, Harrison Ford was retirement age during that one. Yes, I saw it and felt maybe he should have retired before making it. Yes, I was terribly disappointed. True, Temple of Doom was still worse, so there was that, but again, I was left with a very bad taste in my mouth. It wasn’t the taste of something rancid and rotten like Doom was — there wasn’t any mold growing on it — but you could definitely smell that it was long past its expiration date. Maybe you could still drink it and keep it down, but I would strongly advise against it.
I noticed a pattern with these Indiana Jones movies. Every other movie (all the even-numbered ones) sucked. So last year when Spielberg said number five was coming out, Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny, I was scared. Harrison Ford was now eighty. EIGHTY, people! But at the same time, I needed something … anything … to again cleanse my palate after that alien train wreck from the last time. So while I was scared, I was also hopeful. This was an odd-numbered movie in the franchise, so it had that going for it. Also, I knew this would be Ford’s last reprisal of the character. There would be no more Indiana Jones movies after this one, and I secretly hoped Ford and Spielberg were saving the best for last.
So how was it? In a word, I thought it was excellent. I really did. It was smart and funny and full of Easter eggs and gave lots of nods and shout-outs to all the fans over the years. Yes, Harrison Ford was old, and yes that was kind of sad, a gentle reminder that all of us who have followed the franchise from its very beginning are also getting old. The story was great. The acting was excellent. The dialogue was witty. And there were no aliens!
In short, it wrapped everything up quite nicely and was the perfect movie to end the franchise. Was it as good as Raiders and Last Crusade? I’d say no, at least for me personally. But it was a thousand percent better than Doom and Crystal Skull for sure. If I had to rank the movies in order, it would look like this:
- Raiders of the Lost Ark
- The Last Crusade
- Dial of Destiny
- Crystal Skull
- Temple of Doom
Did you see it? Did you like it? What were your thoughts? Let me know in the comments below.
Excellent review. You nailed it
I really liked it. It has a couple of cringe moments but over all it was really good.
I’m with you on Temple of Doom as being the weak middle-child of the original trilogy, it always felt like an Indiana Jones TV movie to me. In places I do try to forgive it–the crocodiles, though cheesy, I try to accept as being an homage to the old serials–but it was definitely disappointing next to its wonderful siblings.
That said, I MUCH preferred Doom to the Crystal Skull, and most of that is down to suspension of disbelief. As cheesy as it was, Temple of Doom (mostly) remained in a space where I could at least believe in the story, even if it isn’t a great one. Crystal Skull, after a fairly decent and encouraging opening, threw all of that away and shattered any belief I had that the story could actually happen in reality, losing that fine touch that Raiders and Last Crusade both had, to tread the fine line between implausibility and impossibility.
That said, Temple of Doom was also the closest to committing that sin of the original trio, particularly with the elaborate underground rail-truck chase–so while it’s really tempting to blame CGI for the film’s faults, because the film’s worst moments are really riddled with it, all it really did was enable them to make some really stupid, lazy story-telling decisions.
But you’ve made me interested in catching Dial, at least! I have my reservations, still, but I’ll give it a whirl when I have the chance.
I don’t think you’ll regret seeing it, Rob!